I can make Sophie’s tail wag faster or slower, proportional to the pitch of my voice.

Sophie licked a bee today, why is my dog so stupid omg.

I have to give Magoober a haircut today, then my mum is going to give her a bath. She’s going to be a very sad puppy.

Sophie thinks that if she sits by my feet and licks my toes that I’m going to share my dinner with her.

She’s right.

My dog thinks she’s an urban ninja and that I’m her parkour course.